Why Your Child Can't Calm Down Without You

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Research Finding

Children cannot self-regulate before they have been co-regulated. A child's nervous system literally borrows calm from a regulated adult — this is called co-regulation, and it's neurologically proven.

Porges, S.W. — Polyvagal Theory; Murray et al., Child Development, 2015

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Question

TO ASK YOUR CHILD

"When you're really upset, what helps you feel calmer?"

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Quote

"When a child is overwhelmed, they are not refusing to calm down — they simply cannot find their way back alone. That is not defiance. That is a call for connection."

— — Paraphrased from Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry, UCLA

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